Every morning that I have woken up for nearly 3 weeks now; I have woken up crying my heart out as the realization hits that my beloved husband is not lying next to me. The realization that for another day our children don't get to see him. For another day I have to make decisions about so many things, on my own. For another day that I don't get to see my husband with his eyes open or hear him tell me that everything is going to be ok or that he loves me. For another day, our family is without the covering of our Prophet, Priest & King. We've just about found our heads above water after our last great battle as a couple and now this. My flesh wants to shout out "WHY GOD WHY, WHY, WHY HIM, WHY THIS FOR US??!!!!!!!!!!" Each day is a battle with my flesh that wants to take my emotions on a roller coaster ride of self-wallowing, self-pity, loneliness and depression but instead my cry is "LORD, take captive these thoughts and You take over my mind & my emotions." and just like that, like the flip of a switch He takes the spirit of heaviness and gives me the garment of praise! His grace overcomes my entire being starting in my spirit and then my spirit give thanks and it is in that moment of giving thanks each morning that His strength arrives to carry me. It is the garment I have to dress myself in before I get out of bed and my feet hit the ground.
THE GARMENT OF PRAISE IS POWERFUL!!
I will never forget the first time after the accident when the "experts" the team of Neurologists gave me their conclusion to what was reported on Brad's condition and to sum it up they told me "We don't understand how your husband made it to the hospital alive but it would do you well to start making arrangements." and then they wanted to explain their conclusion further based on their evidence and I left the room because I wasn't interested in what they had to say after that; I needed to find a quiet place where I could take refuge in the shadow of my LORD and seek His report. As I sat down in that secret place, my LORD simply said: "Be still and wait on Me".
It is 3 weeks later and still I wait... I will continue to wait until I see His promise fulfilled and I will continue to praise Him as long as His grace enables me to do so. My heart feels heavy, broken even but even in that there is something to be thankful for. There are those who have stepped in to be there for us in so many ways and I am most grateful for those who have physically stepped forward to take me by the hand and who have not let go. God provides, supplies, comforts and counsels but He uses people to be His hands and feet. There is a time to lift people up in prayer but there is also a time to physically be there. I praise God for the people he is using and I bless them. I bless them for their sacrifices of time, effort & resources, people who have just gone out of their way to carry this load with me. People who didn't ask "what can we do, what do you need" they just did and they just gave and I bless them, I bless them today and forevermore.
I give thanks with such a grateful heart!
